Decisions, decisions..

Well, good news, I think.  I heard from Dr. McGann's nurse (remember Mean Doctor?), and my bloodwork (all of it) came back normal.  So..that just means that it's me/my eggs?  I can't decide whether it's good or bad.  If there was something wrong, I could fix it.  As it is, we just have to try-and see what happens.  Feels so out-of-control.  I know-it's all about surrendering control.  I'm not so good at that!
I'm exhausted.  Genevieve likes to get up at 5:45am.  I get lots done-I weeded the front flower beds this morning, started laundry, unloaded the dishwasher, made Ethan's lunch-very productive, but it makes for a LONG day!  I'm in bed already-and it's 8:45!  I don't know if I'll sleep soon, since Ethan is throwing a fit.  He wants his daddy since I told him to go to bed (for the fourth time), he didn't have a nap today, and is cranky!  Mary Claire came down to tattle on him for coming in her room, then when I got up there, he tattled that she was playing DSi!  What are siblings for?  Ahh, the love.
We looked at a house this weekend, and I really liked it.  The last thing I need is to move (and sell this house!), but I liked it.  It was open, but not like this one.  It was a little smaller, which I kinda liked.  It's no fun to clean houses, and no one can clean it to make me happy, so maybe I need less.  The yard was smaller, which could be a good thing-we have almost an acre-and we've landscaped the heck out of it!  There's so much upkeep.  And then there's the pool..which I'd totally do again, so I can't complain!  I guess this latest thing with my rude neighbor has me thinking.  There are lots of them that aren't so nice-since I came after them I guess?-and I don't like it.  I've only been here 5 years in August, and that's so new.  Ha.  It's just not what I thought it'd be.  I do like my house, but there are things I'd change.  Man, I wish I'd been blogging back then-there'd have been SO much to tell!  I'll just let it slide now. : )  Decisions, decisions.
Oh!  I got one more bill-the anesthesiologist!  I think it was 400-something.  I'll have to tally them all up, just for fun.  I just can't believe it!  And can you imagine-we still have my labwork (apparently 11 tests!) from Little Rock, and Ches' hospital bill-can't wait for that one!  Even with Mary Claire's diabetes we haven't been able to claim our medical expenses for the past 3 years.  Maybe we'll make it this year?!  Not that that is something to get excited about.. but it's the little things.
Mean Doctor said I'd have decisions to make if my blood work was normal, so here goes.  When to try again?  (Obviously Ches has to be better!)  If it goes well, when can I relax and trust that it'll make it?  When can I share the news?  If it doesn't go well, then what?  I can't keep doing this, and some days I think I could quit now.  I think it's partially the medicine since it dulls my feelings (good, but bad).  It seems surreal that I was ever pregnant, so thinking about being pregnant is weird. (I know-just that is weird.)  So, my only plan is to just see what happens.
I keep thinking God will decide for us, and maybe He is.  I like those really clear-cut answers, and this just isn't one of them.  Life just seems so valuable, so I have to believe it's His desire for us to welcome life.  It just may not be the right time.  or for us.
Today I'm thankful that I wasn't more attached to the babies, or that I hadn't prepared even more (clothes and room ready).  I'm thankful for my sweet friends-especially the ones with time to talk! heehee  I'm thankful for my mom that listens to me ramble late at night.  I'm thankful for my kids that give sweet hugs and run to see me when they get home.  I'm thankful for a sleeping dog that didn't make a sound tonight in her pet taxi during all the bedtime crying, running in and out, etc.  She's a good sleeper!  Thank you, God, for the blessings you've given us, and for those that you don't allow-I know it's for good reason.