Decisions..

My daughter was stalking a site I love tonight, and reading all about a computer-friend who has diabetes.  It was a little surreal having Mary Claire read her diagnosis story, compare it to her own, with me crying all the while.  Ugh.  It's hard!  It was the best talk, reminiscing about her own diabetes drama almost seven years ago.  Bless her heart-and we think we just move on after a couple years.  Nope, it's still here.  It says it's here to stay.

She also watched her video placing a site on her daughter, and she's considering making her own video for other kids.  She's not allowing the site (well, the camera!) on her bottom, so it'll have to be a tummy site, and she has to work up the nerve to do it on video.  I think as you get older, you change.  She's never been really ashamed of diabetes but never really proud either.  She's okay with me explaining what I'm doing, but sometimes she is super-bashful when I pull out her pump in public!  I can't imagine it differently, actually, but it's how we keep her alive.


No one understands our life (unless they have Type 1 diabetes in their family!), so it's hard to talk about.  It seems like if we start talking basal or bolus ratios, or sites or checks, or even carbs or reduced basals, even our closest friends can glaze over.  I'm sorry.  I'm sorry it's part of our language, and that there's no language class available.  I try to explain, but I think I make it worse.

Forgive her for being the "special" kid in class, the one with the bent-down mommy checking on her, the one who gets a special plate with counted snacks, the one who carries a bag around, the one who gets attention if she starts to mumble and not make sense.  We really wish she wasn't the special kid, we want her to be like the other kids.  Or are they just special in their own way?


This week has been Benchmark Testing.  She's had testing, and questions, and writing every morning, and she's making it.  I've been trying so hard to keep her blood sugar constant and even.  She loves her breakfast cereal, so I've added a peanut butter "popsicle" (just a long teaspoon full of peanut butter!) every morning.  She's hitting 140-146 every morning about 9:40, but it's not too bad.  I just don't want her to go low and mess up her test that means so much to the school.  She really needs her site changed tonight, but I know that it would mean a low tomorrow morning with new insulin.  I have to decide whether to let her skin go another day..or to risk low blood sugars and her test scores.  Such a dilemma.


I've also sent snacks every day for her morning break.  Since we didn't want to throw in a snack with carbs (thus another blood sugar check, bolus, and monitoring), we made up meat/veggie snack bags.  Every day she gets a snack baggie with salami, turkey, and sugar snap peas.  She's happy, I'm happy.  And she can keep going on her testing.


She is currently 130, so I think we are going to hold out to site change till tomorrow.  She had dance tonight, so that will keep her blood sugar at bay for another couple hours, and we'll watch it tonight.  Decision point comes in the morning when we face the music: was it a good decision, or rapid-change time? : )