Signs Point to Yes

Well. It's out there. And walking around (or..not) and telling other people!

So, I greet you, sweet readers, with my biggest news in quite a while! I've decided to make my life busier (or God has Great Faith in me!). We just found out that I'm pregnant. There are a million questions hanging in the air, and I can hardly answer any of them. : ) I'm excited, and I think that's all that counts.

My doctor had told me back in January that if we wanted any more kids, it needed to be by the time I was 37 (next September), so he only gave me till Christmas to try, if that's what I decided. I had never had a pop-up timer set on me, and it was incredible pressure. I debated and prayed for a while. I really couldn't make a decision. On good days with the kids, I thought maybe I could handle another, but on bad days, I knew I was done with that song and dance. Well, I decided to let God decide since I had no clear answer (or was ignoring His answers?). I just walked out on a limb and decided to have great faith. A couple of months ago, I thought maybe I was pregnant, took a test, and I was not. I was (surprising to me!) kind of disappointed. I didn't know until then that I even wanted a baby for sure. Really. It happened like that. So, we tried a little harder (heehee). This month, I had some malfunctioning tests (one that didn't absorb, umm..liquid, and one that didn't have ANY lines-not even the "control" line). Talk about stressful. Ches went and bought the newest fancy tests: Digital! If you can imagine. They are not iffy or confusing, and there's no misinterpretation. So after the two bad ones, I took the fancy test, and got a very definitive No. I was sad, but this past week, I prayed some more, and decided I was fine with the great kids I already have. I "told" God that I was okay with not having more, and I was happy (He must've been laughing mighty hard). So when I took the last of the digitals on Sunday, I was quite surprised to see it say, "Yes". I was just so confused and surprised, and a little scared, mix it all up with nervousness (or is anxiety a better word?). That was me. I cried and was so shaky-I was just shocked that God would yet again put his faith in me (literally). I know this baby is a gift from God, and we will dutifully raise him or her the best we can. Babies and little people are not easy (even when they're all packed tightly inside you..), but you learn so much about yourself, your family, your partner, your life-it magnifies things. When you see happiness looking back at you, you feel so content. You see your mark on them, and it's wonderful. Every thank you that comes from them came from you. Every hug they give their friend or brother came from you. The desire to give to others came from you. You know you've made the world a better place. At least until the yelling begins again.

I will set out on a new adventure with wind in my sails. It won't always be calm seas, but I've seen it and done it before. I'll just have to work on putting me on the schedule again. Naps? Check. I got my first one today! : )

Oh, the only answer I can give is that I'm due around April 26th. Yes, 2010. Sounds so futuristic!